The cup of god's bitter coffee

         People CALLED me atheist. I just got a lot of god, one of them like a morning coffee on the terrace of the house. Want to know who is god? That is you. Hey, why surprised? Don’t you like I call you god? Don’t you stronger than anyone, and strongest is god. Personally, I would rather if god is you. For me, the other just nonsense! How could god ask to be worshiped? Did that I who should be aware to worship god, didn’t I? That's what I like about you.
            But, I’m only human. Who always using common sense when I thinking, not just admit that you are god of all gods, there should be research on it, arguments and clear references. There is thesis evidence that strengthen god who likes to drink coffee on the porch of my house is a god. So, every day I gave poison in the coffee, bitter coffee that you like most. However, you never die.
”Bitter taste must be owned by anyone. Never shy away from a bitter taste, because bitter is medicine. Hahahahaha ...," you said.
            That is what you always said when take a sip of the bitter coffee I made you. Now, I know why the poison in the coffee neutral, because the bitterness. And I like you more.
 My eyes on the sky-blue color illustrated how close the distance. Yes, the distance between the earth and the sky. Recently, many people are planning to stay on Mars, chemist, physicist, mathematician, biologist are working together to make a big deal that the huge gas is feasible to inhabited by humans. Perhaps this is what smart human proud of, that everything can be measured.
            “No question today?” you ask, breaking my mind.
 I shook my head and then sit down next to you who sipping coffee, melodious voice in the ear. After that, you take a piece of cigarette and then turn it on. The smoke is billowing from your mouth into the sky and turned into clouds. Just like that, nothing is very difficult for you to create something.
            “Comfortable, isn’t it? In here… cool. You such a smart person to found a great place for house, hahaha...”
            “I’m just looking for quiet place to think.”
            “Thinking? What a serious…”
            “Hey? Human should thinking, because if human thinking they are real?”
            “Don’t need to still be exist. Hahaha....”
I’m looking at you—while you are sitting with comfort on the rocking chair, swinging as the life need to swing, to make a balance, between up and down then created a pleasure in that swing.
            “Have you finished your short story?” you asked.
            “Not yet...I’m stuck on the storyline,” I answered.
            “Don’t make it hard.”
            “Uhmm…I want to send it to the newspaper then the editor selects it.”
            “Hahahaha…Why should expect chosen? Good story is not being selected but remembered forever. So don’t have to make too nice storyline, simple ..."
            “I’ll don’t have money if it’s not accepted, right?”
            “Money? Hahahaha… Money….Money… Money… hahahahaha…. What a pulp head! Hahahahaha…”
You move from the rocking chair, and then walk up to the sky, as there is a ladder that connects earth and the sky, your voice still echoed in my ears. That is, you come and go as you want, the way you speak also digress, who is say people don’t need money? Money could be everything! Prayers need money too, what a silly god! Then I step into the house, sitting at my work desk. Turn on the computer, and start typing a short story, to sending to Kompas, who knows it accepted. Big salary! Then I throw money to the face of god. Let he know the feeling.
            It’s been days, god refused to show his face in my porch. In fact I just finished my short story, a task from god. Somehow there is a feeling of longing to hear his laugh, hearing sound of he take a sip of the coffee and discuss with him. I suddenly feel the need, of you god. However, at this time my lord is you. So, I have to ask for approval for what would I do, including sending this short story to Kompas.
 I paced in the porch of the house, restless heart waiting for god's presence. Looks like human are never separated from the interference of god, but strangely I feel the need of god today. When I'm in dire need of enlightenment, when need money for my life. If you agree this short story sent to Kompas, I'm sure it will immediately be accepted, because you're a god, only say kunfayakun. I have the money.
 But god isn’t shown up yet. How if god is dead? Yes, you definitely die because the poisons that I put in your bitter coffee are high doses, who know it react in the next few days? Ouch, I’m sinful because I was killed a god. Your worshipers must be angry at me, even worse protested and tell me to move out from this house, the house that I have built with sweat and blood.
            “Khairil! Why do you still paced?” Seno asked.
            “Waiting for God,” I answered.
            “Oh my Goodness… Crazy kid!”
            After that, is silent—my eyes stared around, only emptiness. Then my eyes on the sky, blue just like before. Clotted clouds there, white marched as give some news about your death.
The violin’s sounds playing in my ears that night. I feel my body is filled by the soul. It looks like it was a violin sound’s soul looking for bodies. They are flying and fill anyone's body, I become someone else. Hear, see and feel the suffering souls. Apparently, not all melodious voice has a beautiful form. Even the common suffering is coming from melodious voices. That is always say hope, promise and believed to be religious.
            Do I have a religion? Supposedly, that religion is not a science, because religion is not science even though there is a science of religion. Although human beings learn, but religion is a belief, and belief can be true without knowledge, one's faith will continue to grow, but the more knowledgeable person doesn’t warrant conviction grow stronger, even more fragile.
            The violin’s tones getting louder, souls continue jumping, running for the body. I don’t know which is required in advance, the soul or the body? All I know, the body will not moving if not driven by soul, and the soul will not intangible anything without the body. The violinist is understands how to move the soul so the sound of the violin become relaxing, helper for deserted bodies.
The tones which are intangible soul are something that is needed, is that god all we need? Needs would be owned by the strong or weak, needs to stand alone. He is a requirement for all his people. Yes, my lord now is him.
            Suddenly the violin’s sound is stopped.
            “I have no progress!”
            “Such a bad play! Yanusa. Don’t play Gundul-gundul pacul please!”
            “Oh man… there’s nothing to do with it you know! Hmmm… Let’s Seno knows about this, how about that Gus?”
            “Will he care or not?!”
            “We’ll see! Hey, ought we to bring Khairil’s short story?”
            The sound of the violin is not heard anymore, I alone looked at my body without a soul in front of the mirror. Waiting for god, to give all my needs!
            A cup of black coffee for god still there on the table, I don’t dare to drink, as well as people who are here. Never dared to touch it! Because god is very sensitive! Very irritable if his pleasure is disturbed. Yes, gods. They always have a personal pleasure for those who want the pleasure of it. Everyone is tempted to have the pleasure of gods, vying with each other, fight each other and slander each other, again...again...and again.
            People obsessed to be free after having those pleasures, as if their life is for freedom, and freedom is the highest authority for them. But I think, no one is free here, because when they say as a free man, in fact they are bound by the mind.
My eyes always looked up to the sky, waiting for you, him, god or whoever. I don’t really care, because now my job is completed, make a short story to be discussed, isn’t very beautiful if a task carried out by the sense of responsibility? Likewise, god-given task!
            “Khairil… Khairil… too ambitious to make your short story accepted until you get mental illness like this.” Seno put down the Kompas letter on desk and leaving the Mental Illness Hospital.
            I stared at him who walks far and far, he wearing cowboy hat, getting to Yanusa and Gus at the gate, then leave to somewhere I don’t know. Sunday Kompas newsletter still next to a cup of bitter coffee, my hand slowly reached it. But, there’s another hand grabbed it first, I’m shocked.
            “Hahahahaha…. So this is your short story?” ask god, then sit down and read it.

Nana Sastrawan

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Nana Sastrawan

Nana Sastrawan adalah nama pena dari Nana Supriyana, S.Pd tinggal di Tangerang, lahir 27 Juli di Kuningan, Jawa Barat. Menulis sejak sekolah menengah pertama, beberapa karyanya banyak dimuat di berbagai media, tulisan skenarionya telah dan sedang difilmkan. Ia senang bergerak dibidang pendidikan, sosial dan kebudayaan di Indonesia. Dia juga sering terlihat hadir di berbagai kegiatan komunitas seni dan sastra Internasional, kerap dijumpai juga tengah membaca puisi, pentas teater dan sebagai pembicara seminar. Laki-laki yang berprofesi sebagai pendidik di sekolah swasta ini pernah menjadi peserta MASTERA CERPEN (Majelis Sastra Asia Tenggara) dari Indonesia bersama para penulis dari Malaysia, Brunei, Singapura. Dia juga menerima penghargaan Acarya Sastra IV dari Badan Pengembangan dan Pembinaan Bahasa, Kementerian Pendidikan dan Kebudayaan Republik Indonesia tahun 2015. Karya sastranya berupa buku kumpulan puisi adalah Tergantung Di Langit (2006), Nitisara (2008), Kitab Hujan (2010). Beberapa karya sastranya berupa puisi dan cerpen tergabung dalam Menggenggam Cahaya (2009), G 30 S (2009), Empat Amanat Hujan (2010), Penyair Tali Pancing (2010), Hampir Sebuah Metafora (2011), Kado Sang Terdakwa (2011), Gadis Dalam Cermin (2012), Rindu Ayah (2013), Rindu Ibu (2013). Dan beberapa novelnya adalah Anonymous (2012). Cinta Bukan Permainan (2013). Cinta itu Kamu (2013). Love on the Sky (2013). Kerajaan Hati (2014). Kekasih Impian (2014). Cinta di Usia Muda (2014). Kumpulan Cerpennya, ilusi-delusi (2014), Jari Manis dan Gaun Pengantin di Hari Minggu (2016), Chicken Noodle for Students (2017). Tahun 2017 dan 2018 tiga bukunya terpilih sebagai buku bacaan pendamping kurikulum di SD dan SMA/SMK dari kemendikbud yaitu berjudul, Telolet, Aku Ingin Sekolah dan Kids Zaman Now. Dia bisa di sapa di pos-el, Dan di akun medsos pribadinya dengan nama Nana Sastrawan. Atau di situs Karya lainnya seperti film-film pendek dapat ditonton di